I’m not going to bore people with long paragraphs copied and pasted from other websites written by people who actually know what they’re talking about. For me it’s an interesting subject and so I’ve read up a little. If you want facts rather than my just throwing out thoughts of things I’ve read, there’s this thing called GOOGLE. You can Google the various words for one kind of human. They range from psychopath, sociopath, antisocial personality disorder. If you want the facts, and why the terms referring to the same personality type have changed over the years, you can read about it too, like I did.
So here are my thoughts about the two kinds of human that exist. Most of us know there are two kinds. We don’t need some psycho-babble label for it. There are givers and takers. I think we’d all agree on that–I’m sure every human being has met both. So what makes a taker a taker and a giver a giver? And what about users? Are they just like takers, or…something else?
Not to say being a giver is always a good thing. A lot of givers give in order to get, whether it be a thing, or a feeling, or attention, or love, or shelter or security, or children, or whatever. A lot of people with low self esteems are givers–perhaps because they feel they have to compensate for not being enough. I do that myself, and have done for years, making me a prime target for…that other kind of human. But I digress. Some people feel they have to give to fulfill their part of a contract or agreement. For example. say I’m married to you so we have sex (or at least early on we do until I tire of it), even though I don’t like sex and could live the rest of my life without it. Yes believe it or not, some people, men and women alike, don’t like sex. But they want to be married, they want love, they want a family and all the joys that come from having a family and companionship, so…they put up with the sex. They learn to enjoy things about it like…being close to the person they love. But the act itself…they could take or leave.
That’s a giver giving because he or she believes it’s part of the arrangement. Part of getting what they want means giving what the other person wants. The bad thing about this kind of giving is eventually the giver gets tired–and then perhaps that happy situation starts falling apart.
There are also those really wonderful noble people who truly love to give purely for the joy of giving and not to get anything back or achieve any agenda. This is a rare type of giver. Most people who give, if they are going to be completely honest with themselves, are giving hoping for something, whether it be a closer friendship with someone, or to show someone they care, or to repay someone for a kindness given…something. Most people give for some kind of reason, and some are very good reasons. Giving to the poor or less fortunate. In cases like this what do you get? You get the happy feeling that comes from knowing you helped someone. Same thing when you find a hurt animal and rush it to the vet. You’re not going to get anything for the act of kindness…you might even have to pay a hefty vet bill for an animal that isn’t even yours. But you get that feeling, and to some of us that feeling is a wonderful reward.
So what are takers? I think the line between giver and taker is rather blurred. A giver can also be a taker, if my above thoughts are correct. Any time I give hoping to receive or achieve something, in that way I’m passively being a taker. I think all of us are takers to some degree, just like I think all takers can also be givers.
So are there two kinds of human, or are we all capable of being both at any given time? Well, I do think we’re all capable, but I also think from what I’ve read, there are significant differences between the person with (most modern term for it) antisocial personality disorder, and well, the rest of us.
In the cetacean family there are two types of killer whale. The Orca, which is the whale you see mostly along the Puget Sound here in Washington State, or at Sea World, unfortunately, where these massive creatures will hopefully teach our young to appreciate the beauty and value of other life forms. But there is also the Sentient Killer Whale…and I’m hoping I have the term right. It’s been a long time since I took that cetacean class at the UW. Again I digress. Sentient killer whales travel in pods that are more like wolf packs. Or they might also hunt alone. They prey on larger baleen whales, and on seals or sea lions. Red meat is part of their diet. Whales of this sub-group of Killer Whale, again if my memory serves me, swim virtually silent in their pods, whereas the Orca pods like what you see in Free Willy communicate back and forth as they travel along.
Are there predatory people and people who unwittingly transmit signals they are easy prey? I believe so. From what I read of persons with antisocial personality disorder (and there are different levels to this from mild to extreme), they are either lacking in a conscience or are deaf to it. When I say conscience I mean that little inner voice that tells us something is right or wrong, and makes us feel badly after we unwittingly or deliberately hurt or wrong someone.
An extreme example of someone without a conscience–Albert Fish the cannibal from the early 20’s who preyed on and ate little children. He is what inspired the Hannibal Lector character in Silence of the Lambs. Add to this list any person who goes around brutally killing or raping people…likely this is a person who sees weaker people as prey or mere objects to use or manipulate, or enjoys feeling power over another person. This is the classic psychopathic personality people think of when they hear the word psychopath, and why the term has been changed because, probably 90% or more of people with antisocial personality disorder live next door, or work on your same floor, or ride in your carpool, or go with you on hunting trips, or drive your Taxi cab or style your hair or meet you at the bar to play pool. Sociopaths, or the more recent term antisocial personality disorder, are users, as opposed to just takers. We’re all takers, just as we’re all hopefully givers, even if sometimes for self serving reasons. But users? People who prey on the gullibility of others, take advantage of the desire to help that some of us have, or do good to prove our worth…these are the psychopaths who live among us every day. They are con artists. They are parasites who find lonely women (or men) to befriend and let care for them, buy for them, do for them. They are people who marry the older wealthy widower or widow for the money and then somehow manage to walk away with their pockets full.
A great example of a lesser sociopath, and by lesser I mean one who isn’t a serial killer, read or watch “The Stoning of Soraya M.” If you can stomach it, that is, and it’s a movie I watched that I will never watch again. Soraya’s husband is a monster. Literally. If there is a word for the slime around the base of toilets, that would be him.
There are lots of examples of users. The guy who gets a girl drunk (or visa versa) and then works for an hour to guilt trip him or her into having sex, or the person who convinces you to take him or her home and then you wake up in the morning and find your apartment’s cleaned out. Users like what you have and want it, so they pretend to be your friend. They let you assume what isn’t true, and let you come to trust what shouldn’t be trusted, and then they walk away laughing, leaving you feeling like a fool.
And they don’t feel guilt. You can cry and try to make them see what it’s done to you, their actions, and they feel nothing. They don’t understand, quite honestly, what the big fuss is, or why you’re upset. Their conscience is clear–because they don’t have one.
So that’s my little thing about the two kinds of human. I don’t know if really there are two kinds. But I do know I read that something like one in every three men tend to have some degree of antisocial personality disorder and one in every five women. So the people like myself with low self esteems wanting to please please please in order to have friendship, caring, love…really need to ask ourselves what signals we are putting out there. Do we walk around with a big SCREW ME OVER neon sign on our foreheads? How much using do we have to endure before we realize that it sucks to be someone’s prey and it’s better to be a little less trusting–a little more lonely. Sometimes lonely is better than giving your trust to a sociopath. Yes, really.